


Silence is Golden

by ElwritesFanworks



Category: Left 4 Dead, Left 4 Dead 2
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Dysfunctional Relationships, Gunplay, M/M, Men Not Sharing Their Feelings, Physical Abuse, Post-Apocalypse, Post-Post-Apocalypse, Shitty Childhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-07
Updated: 2013-03-07
Packaged: 2017-12-04 13:30:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/711280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElwritesFanworks/pseuds/ElwritesFanworks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick and Ellis don't start out having  a lot in common with each other. But one thing they do have is an appreciation for when silence is golden. *SLASH*</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silence is Golden

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all,
> 
> Okay, first off, this is a bit rough as I knocked it out in an evening sans beta. But it wouldn't leave my head, so there you have it, I guess.
> 
> The pairing is Nick/Ellis at the end. Also I'm taking some creative liberties with Nick's past, specifically his childhood. He seems to me like the kind of guy who could have had a really shitty upbringing. In this case shitty = physically abusive. So yeah. That's a thing.
> 
> Also gunplay. That's also a thing. You have been warned.

* * *

There’s a lot they don’t talk about.

It sounds crazy, given that the kid’s always running his mouth about something or other, but there really is a whole lot that he avoids, and Nick is okay with that. If it means another four hours of Keith stories, then so be it. He’d never admit that out loud, mind you, but it’s the truth.

The first thing that they don’t talk about is the scarring on Nick’s ribs and back. Not the new, fighting-through-zombies-day-in-and-day-out scars, not the fresh wounds, but the old, faded ones. The only reason Ellis even sees them is because Nick nearly gets gored through by a Witch and he's too physically fucked up afterwards to clean the wound himself. While Coach and Ro are on watch, Ellis gets a first aid kit and starts patching the conman up and then he sees the scars, and sees the way Nick winces when he realizes the hick is looking at them, and he opens his mouth and closes it again and that’s that.

The second thing they don’t talk about is the way Nick falls silent when they’re all shooting the breeze over a dinner of canned peaches and spam. The safe house is a two-story white-picket fence kind of place, or it was, once, anyway, fortified enough to keep out just about anything. Ro had found an old bottle of wine in the kitchen and everyone’s drinking and chatting and reminiscing about the days when zombies only existed in horror movies. Coach finishes a story about the time his dad first taught him to catch a football and then its Nick’s turn and Ro asks about his childhood and his mouth is suddenly dry and his tongue is stuck to the roof of his mouth and he’s burning up and freezing cold and the room is spinning and he can’t speak or breathe or think. He mumbles something about needing to piss and goes off and shuts himself in the bathroom and presses the heels of his hands into his eyes until they hurt, and has a cigarette, even though he’s running low and should be rationing them.

That night as Nick beds down on the nameless houseowner's old yoga mat in the living room, one hand on his axe and one eye on the door, Ellis pauses for just a bit too long before saying goodnight, looking at him like he fucking _knows,_ and then walks away, shaking his head, and Nick is not a religious man but part of him prays that whatever happens, the hick keeps his mouth shut.

The third thing they don’t talk about is what Ellis walks in on one morning. The safe house they’re in this time has running water from an underground private source and they’re each taking turns having the first showers in a long time. Really Ellis just wants to tell Nick that the bathroom’s free, but he pads into the guest bedroom they’ve been forced to share, one towel around his waist and another rubbing over his messy hair, and sees Nick sitting on the bed with a gun in his mouth.

It’s instinct that makes him run over and grab it from Nick, and only when Nick swears at him and swings at him does he notice the barrel’s slick with spit and Nick’s face is flushed and he’s got one hand in his pants and oh. _Oh._

They definitely don’t talk about that.

Months go by, and there’s enough going on just avoiding getting killed that there’s not much time for talking. Then everything changes when they finally find a checkpoint that’s not deserted and suddenly the endless running is traded in for cold showers and photographs and medical examinations and injections and a helicopter ride to a temporary holding area, which is really more of a refugee camp, but they’re all too exhausted to care. They have to hand over everything they come in with, and are given new clothes and new I.D. They get sent to separate sleeping areas and it becomes hard to see one another outside of meals at the mess hall, or showers in the outdoor facilities.

That’s what motivates Nick and Ellis to start meeting in the first place. It starts innocently enough, just two survivors getting together to share stories, to remember, to heal. Nick and Ellis find that the showers at night are as good a place as any to get a bit of privacy for conversation. Living without constant fear is harder than it should be, Ellis remarks, and Nick agrees. There’s a sort of perpetual tension, an itch, a need to expel all the built up energy they’re storing. It’s that itch that drives them to one another, first as confidants and then as… not fuck-buddies – their shared history means it’s more intimate than that. Not lovers, not if Nick has anything to say about it. The way he sees it, all that love shit is about as useful as it was before the apocalypse, thank-you-very-much. As friends, then. Real friends, realer than any Nick’s had before, anyway, and if that isn’t a fucking trip then he doesn’t know what is: the conman and the redneck, turned gay by too much exposure to zombie guts. He says as much to Ellis, who just laughs and smiles in a way that makes it all okay and yeah, that sounds about right.

There’s less they don’t talk about, now.

Over time, as the world gets rebuilt around them, Ellis gets to know a bit more about Nick’s old man, and the scars that he gave him, inside and out. Over time, Nick lets him know.

And then one night, Nick brings a gun to their meeting, and Ellis doesn’t know what to do. Nick’s stolen it off one of the guards, and there’s gonna be hell to pay for that, but Nick seems to think that it’s worth it. He’s never let Ellis top before, but suddenly there he is, on his knees, looking up, pleading with his eyes, and then his voice.

"Hit me with it."

And Ellis isn’t sure he should, but Nick says it again and his voice is cracking and something breaks inside the mechanic and he just pulls back swings at him.

The gun cracks across Nick’s cheek and the man jerks back and sideways and spits out a mouthful of blood, reaches into his mouth, pulls out a tooth, grinning like a maniac. He stands up and kisses Ellis, hot and forceful, blood smearing over both of their mouths, and he’s rock hard and more responsive than Ellis has ever seen him.

Ellis may be doing the fucking, but Nick’s still the one calling the shots. Given the strangeness of the situation, Ellis is okay with that. The gun weighs heavy in his hand but he’s been told to hold it at all costs. The hick follows the order’s he’s given, taking Nick from behind, spreading his fingers out over those old scars. Nick reaches behind him and grabs his other hand – the hand with the gun still clasped in it – and puts it to his head.

“Pull the trigger,” he snarls and rolls his hips and Ellis does.

_Click._

Nick comes with a muffled curse and it’s enough to send Ellis over the edge, digging his nails into the gambler’s back. Nick takes a minute to recover then looks over his shoulder and Ellis has never seen his face so open before. His eyes are watering and he’s breathing hard and in that moment, Ellis knows they’ll never talk about this either. And he accepts that. So they don’t.


End file.
